Change can be a scary thing. The fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, can render a person into a sheer ball of anxiety dipped in depression wrapped up in a fragile foil of insecurity, self-doubt, with the overweighing sense of isolation. I know this feeling all too well– having experienced it before.
In 2002 in the middle of my 7th grade school year, I learned that I had to leave the only home I knew in Fort Worth, Texas to Beijing, China. If moving wasn’t hard enough, I was about to make my first move by leaping over the Pacific Ocean into another country, another world– a world I never knew or had a taste of. A country with a completely different type of government. A country that embodied a completely different culture, spoke a different language. Though I was fortunate enough to be raised bilingual in Mandarin Chinese, I had always identified as an all-American gal. I was scared. I recall crying myself to sleep every night for the next three months. I would get publicly upset when my father would bring up his big promotion at going-away dinner parties– my father has always been popular, so there was more than one dinner party I’d burst into tears and pretty much ruined the vibe. (Whoops, I was a child. What’d you expect?) Then, the time finally came.
I remember sitting on the airplane en route to my new home on the other side of the world, past the prime meridian and into the “future”. There was no turning back– so finally I began a list of things I wanted to achieve as a 12 year-old entering a brand new world. Though I no longer have the list with me, I recall writing it on a napkin that came with the peanuts and beverages. I wanted to be more kind and have more friends because I was very unpopular in my Texan middle school. I wanted to be more outgoing, since I always defaulted on being shy and quiet. I pretty much wanted to be everything I wasn’t in Texas– and this was my one and only chance to.
Change can be a scary thing– but it is inevitable. In order for there to be growth, you must welcome change. And while my first major change in my life (moving to China) was borderline TRAUMATIZING…I’ve since become addicted to it. Looking back, the life I lived in China is one of the most invaluable experiences of my life. College, graduate school, “real world” adulting I’ve experienced since China– still doesn’t compare to my life during 2002-2008. And, just because I don’t live in China anymore doesn’t mean there aren’t more adventures in life left to take. How will I ever know my next best experience if I never welcomed change?
The static, predictable, and safe lifestyle has become boring for me. And maybe that’s why I have always been drawn to theatre. Who will I play next? What will I learn, do, and see next? Theatre/Acting is driven by the unknown. Will I land this audition? Will I sink or swim? What will the reviews/audiences say specifically about me? You never know. So here are my tips and tricks on how to face change and embrace it.
1. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
This applies to any situation. What’s the absolute WORST THING that could happen? Think about it. Write it down. Feel it out. Put your anxieties on paper and REALIZE IT. It’s okay.
If you’re going to an interview for your dream job, what’s the worst logical thing that could happen? They say no. Interviewers laugh at you.
If you’re moving to a new place, a place you’ve never been before — what’s the worst thing that could happen? You don’t make any friends. You lose your job (or can’t find a job!). You wind up homeless.
2. What are you going to do about it?
The best advice my father has ever given me in my entire lifetime is: Don’t worry about things you have ABSOLUTELY no control over.
If you interview for your dream job– they say no and laugh at you on your way out, can you control that? NO. So, what can you control?
You can control how conduct yourself at the next interview for a similar opportunity– figure out what you could do better next time, how to strengthen your credentials. You can control how much harder you keep looking for that special, amazing opportunity. If you can find it once, you can find it again. That is in YOUR control!
You’re moving to a new place you’ve never been before and you don’t have any friends, can’t find a job, and you’re stranded and couch surfing– what can you control?
You can control how much social events you go to and how much effort you put into trying to make friends– all of your friends at one moment in your life was a COMPLETE STRANGER! Go out, have fun, even if you don’t feel like it. You only get in return what you put out in the universe (true story). Can’t find a job? Keep grinding and looking! The reality most people struggle with is no matter how great you are, how smart you are, how CAPABLE you are– the world owes you nothing. So don’t expect the perfect opportunity is going to fall right in your lap! Again, you only get in return what you put out. Keep applying for jobs even if they are “stupid”. [I worked 10 years in retail and food– I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE! TRUST ME.] Something is better than nothing. Legit homeless? Go home. Your original home. Somewhere where you have people that will love and support you while you get back on your feet. I’ve known plenty of people who moved great distance away because of an opportunity then all of a sudden– their job doesn’t work out and they can’t find anything better. They find themselves unexpectedly going back to where they started. There’s always a place you call home. Go back to it. There is no shame in that; there is only the shame that comes with never trying. You are ALWAYS in control of your situation. In life, you can only count on yourself. Your parents will pass, your siblings may move, your spouse may pass/leave, friends are constantly coming and going. The only constant relationship you have from birth to death is the relationship you have with yourself. So look out for yourself, never let pride get in the way. There is no such thing as failure.
3. What’s the BEST that could happen?
Alright, pessimism and cynicism aside– let’s focus on the positives. Figure out what are the best things that could happen. Write it down. Rewire your brain to LOOK FORWARD to these things. Moving to a new place/starting a new job is exciting!! You get to reinvent yourself!! You get to learn something new!! You’ll meet new friends, discover new interests, gain new experiences. YAAAS!! After realizing your worries, combat it with something positive– something to look forward to. It’s all about the state of mind. Were you unpopular? A subaverage worker? NOT ANYMORE!! You, in whatever type of change you’re facing in life, have a rare opportunity to reinvent yourself, better yourself, transform yourself. So WERK IT!!! DO YOU, BOO-BOO!!! WEL-COME-DAT-CHANGE!!!
When all else fails, and you feel like it’s just you against the world…I’m here for you and I have enough belief that you can make the best of your impending change. Don’t believe me? Comment down below and tell me your story. Let’s be friends.