Departure: How to Leave Gracefully

Monday, July 31st will mark my final day at my very first full-time job as a legal clerk.

Leaving is never easy, even when it is on your own terms.  I love(d) my job at this law firm I’ve devoted the past two years of my life to.  This particular job has given me so many life lessons including (but not limited to) how to multi-task, be self-sufficient, and prioritize; how to communicate effectively with coworkers and with clients that have debilitating mental/physical impairments trapped horrible situations like homelessness or living with a terminal diagnosis. I also developed a higher appreciation for TV shows like “The Office” & “Parks & Recreation” realizing office archetypes do exist in real-life (lol.)

Let’s be real– not many people stay at their very first job for the rest of their life, or their second, or even their third.  Only the lucky ones do.  It is only natural for someone to accept a better opportunity in their lifetime and move on.  Sometimes people don’t even have the luxury of departing on their own terms and have to leave because of other external circumstances.  Departure is simply unavoidable at times and the five stages of grief may be experienced by you, and your workplace.  When facing departure, people often fall between two sides of a spectrum– anticipating the departure, or making the best of it.

In this blog, I will be speaking about my own personal experience which not everyone may agree with, but I believe is a right thing to do.

Anticipating the departure, in my opinion, is what most people default to.  You’re excited to get out of your current job and move onto the next.  You absolutely cannot wait because maybe your new job offers a lot of things your old job couldn’t satisfy.  It could be more pay, more responsibility, or simply embody more personal interest.  The downside of this mentality is that people most often “give up” or “stop caring” about their current job and scrape on by with minimal effort until their last day because what are they going to do?  Fire you?  You’re leaving anyway, who cares!  There is nothing wrong with this mentality since I’ve stated before most people default to this.  It is natural to just let go and make your old job responsibility your successor’s problem.

The issue with this way of thinking applies to the 80/20 rule or Pareto principle.  Most people are familiar with the 80/20 rule as it applies to business/economics which states 80% of your outcomes comes from 20% of your input.  As in 20% of product/hard work accounts for 80% of your financial gain. However, this blog isn’t about business or economics– it’s about personal life choices.  Here’s how the pareto principle may apply to “anticipating departure”:

Perhaps you were initially unsatisfied with your current position which motivated you into finding a new opportunity in the first place.  You were 80% satisfied with your current position but for some reason, the 20% of what you lacked shifted your priorities and motivation one day.  So you began seeking the missing 20% in the form of a new job opportunity (i.e. pay, self-interest, etc.)  Maybe this next opportunity is absolutely perfect and end up being your forever-job.  That would be the absolute best case scenario.  However, as with all unknowns– there’s a 50/50 chance that it might not be since nobody is a fortune teller.  The 80/20 rule is a double-edged sword in the sense that what you gain from the 20% you initially seeked, you are now lacking in the 80% job satisfaction that you had with your previous job. That would be the absolute worst case scenario. (Click here to read “Change & How to Embrace it” where I mention evaluating best/worst case scenarios for new situations.) 

It is no secret that I think too much and why I’m such an excellent tetris and chess player. I am constantly planning 10 steps ahead for every move I make because I’m a crazy person.  Fun fact: my AIM username back in the day was ObsessiveFreak89 and I have been obsessively planning my life since the age of 5.  Every plan has a back-up plan, and every back-up plan has a back-up, back-up plan.  It is the sole reason I never burn bridges, I just temporarily close them.  Always.  This is a lesson I learned from working in entertainment because you just NEVER KNOW who you will run into and be working with next so, might as well always do your best so no one has a reason to hate you.

I chose to make the best of my departure.

I gave my job two months notice rather than a two week notice knowing full well that my job is very specialized, highly technical, and meticulous.  It wasn’t like I was moving across the street, I am moving across the world so I felt a well-deserved heads up was warranted so they could find a suitable candidate to take over my position.  I worked ahead so that the workflow for my successor would be light, giving them time to adjust and learn the job. (Three months to be exact…I mentioned I was a crazy person, right?!)  I do law stuff so it’s downright next to impossible to get everything correct in a day (or two weeks) no matter how smart you are– that’s just reality.  I created a detailed instruction manual with screenshots because I literally have four bosses/supervisors that all do things differently and it would be difficult for anyone to keep up with their individual wants/needs especially with two of them working remotely in another city.  I came in early to double check my replacement’s work done the day before and reviewed any mistakes I caught with them once they came in, using that time to answer any questions they may have had. I also stayed late to finish any work my supervisors only entrusted to me because of its level of difficulty.

The best advice I ever received was to not worry about things I have absolutely no control over, so I recognized everything I did have control over, and tried to make things better and easier all in the interest of the company, unprompted.

Of course, I prefaced this blog by saying I’m speaking from my own personal experience that everyone may not agree with. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressing myself out with superfluous work during my last days in the office.  Even still, I genuinely believe that this is the right thing to do if you want to leave gracefully.  I’ve made jokes around the office that I might return from Taiwan wearing nothing but rags and soot all over my face groaning, “Please take me back…”— because anything is possible. I don’t know what will happen in the next stage of my life, but either way I’m excited! I made the best of my departure by making leaving on good terms my priority.  This is in no way a #humblebrag though some may see it as such– I’ve been doing this with every single job I’ve had to leave in the past and I always heard the same thing from co-workers, “You’re leaving!  Who cares!”

I care.  Too much, sometimes.  I wished others did as well because honestly, it is just good practice/great work ethic.  Not only will you leave your company in good shape, you will have many people within the organization willing to vouch for your good work and want to be listed as a reference.  Even without the potential of references, it should give you a peace of mind knowing you did all you could to do something good, especially if you were an integral part of the organization.  The world is a small place, so make good where you can!

As long as you continually to do your best, you’ll never fail.  Even if it doesn’t work out, always depart gracefully.

Change & How to Embrace It

Change can be a scary thing.  The fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, can render a person into a sheer ball of anxiety dipped in depression wrapped up in a fragile foil of insecurity, self-doubt, with the overweighing sense of isolation.  I know this feeling all too well– having experienced it before.

In 2002 in the middle of my 7th grade school year, I learned that I had to leave the only home I knew in Fort Worth, Texas to Beijing, China.  If moving wasn’t hard enough, I was about to make my first move by leaping over the Pacific Ocean into another country, another world– a world I never knew or had a taste of.  A country with a completely different type of government.  A country that embodied a completely different culture, spoke a different language.  Though I was fortunate enough to be raised bilingual in Mandarin Chinese, I had always identified as an all-American gal.  I was scared. I recall crying myself to sleep every night for the next three months.  I would get publicly upset when my father would bring up his big promotion at going-away dinner parties– my father has always been popular, so there was more than one dinner party I’d burst into tears and pretty much ruined the vibe.  (Whoops, I was a child.  What’d you expect?) Then, the time finally came.

I remember sitting on the airplane en route to my new home on the other side of the world, past the prime meridian and into the “future”.  There was no turning back– so finally I began a list of things I wanted to achieve as a 12 year-old entering a brand new world.  Though I no longer have the list with me, I recall writing it on a napkin that came with the peanuts and beverages.  I wanted to be more kind and have more friends because I was very unpopular in my Texan middle school.  I wanted to be more outgoing, since I always defaulted on being shy and quiet.  I pretty much wanted to be everything I wasn’t in Texas– and this was my one and only chance to.

Change can be a scary thing– but it is inevitable. In order for there to be growth, you must welcome change.  And while my first major change in my life (moving to China) was borderline TRAUMATIZING…I’ve since become addicted to it.  Looking back, the life I lived in China is one of the most invaluable experiences of my life. College, graduate school, “real world” adulting I’ve experienced since China– still doesn’t compare to my life during 2002-2008.  And, just because I don’t live in China anymore doesn’t mean there aren’t more adventures in life left to take.  How will I ever know my next best experience if I never welcomed change?

The static, predictable, and safe lifestyle has become boring for me.  And maybe that’s why I have always been drawn to theatre.  Who will I play next? What will I learn, do, and see next?  Theatre/Acting is driven by the unknown.  Will I land this audition? Will I sink or swim?  What will the reviews/audiences say specifically about me? You never know. So here are my tips and tricks on how to face change and embrace it.

1. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

This applies to any situation.  What’s the absolute WORST THING that could happen?  Think about it.  Write it down.  Feel it out.  Put your anxieties on paper and REALIZE IT.  It’s okay.

If you’re going to an interview for your dream job, what’s the worst logical thing that could happen? They say no. Interviewers laugh at you.

If you’re moving to a new place, a place you’ve never been before — what’s the worst thing that could happen? You don’t make any friends. You lose your job (or can’t find a job!). You wind up homeless.

2. What are you going to do about it?

The best advice my father has ever given me in my entire lifetime is: Don’t worry about things you have ABSOLUTELY no control over.

If you interview for your dream job– they say no and laugh at you on your way out, can you control that? NO.  So, what can you control?

You can control how conduct yourself at the next interview for a similar opportunity– figure out what you could do better next time, how to strengthen your credentials.  You can control how much harder you keep looking for that special, amazing opportunity.  If you can find it once, you can find it again.  That is in YOUR control!

You’re moving to a new place you’ve never been before and you don’t have any friends, can’t find a job, and you’re stranded and couch surfing– what can you control?

You can control how much social events you go to and how much effort you put into trying to make friends– all of your friends at one moment in your life was a COMPLETE STRANGER!  Go out, have fun, even if you don’t feel like it.  You only get in return what you put out in the universe (true story).  Can’t find a job? Keep grinding and looking!  The reality most people struggle with is no matter how great you are, how smart you are, how CAPABLE you are– the world owes you nothing.  So don’t expect the perfect opportunity is going to fall right in your lap!  Again, you only get in return what you put out.  Keep applying for jobs even if they are “stupid”. [I worked 10 years in retail and food– I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE!  TRUST ME.]  Something is better than nothing. Legit homeless? Go home.  Your original home.  Somewhere where you have people that will love and support you while you get back on your feet.  I’ve known plenty of people who moved great distance away because of an opportunity then all of a sudden– their job doesn’t work out and they can’t find anything better. They find themselves unexpectedly going back to where they started.  There’s always a place you call home.  Go back to it.  There is no shame in that; there is only the shame that comes with never trying.  You are ALWAYS in control of your situation. In life, you can only count on yourself.  Your parents will pass, your siblings may move, your spouse may pass/leave, friends are constantly coming and going.  The only constant relationship you have from birth to death is the relationship you have with yourself. So look out for yourself, never let pride get in the way.  There is no such thing as failure.

3. What’s the BEST that could happen?

Alright, pessimism and cynicism aside– let’s focus on the positives. Figure out what are the best things that could happen.  Write it down.  Rewire your brain to LOOK FORWARD to these things.  Moving to a new place/starting a new job is exciting!!  You get to reinvent yourself!!  You get to learn something new!!  You’ll meet new friends, discover new interests, gain new experiences.  YAAAS!!  After realizing your worries, combat it with something positive– something to look forward to.  It’s all about the state of mind.  Were you unpopular? A subaverage worker? NOT ANYMORE!!  You, in whatever type of change you’re facing in life, have a rare opportunity to reinvent yourself, better yourself, transform yourself.  So WERK IT!!! DO YOU, BOO-BOO!!!  WEL-COME-DAT-CHANGE!!!

When all else fails, and you feel like it’s just you against the world…I’m here for you and I have enough belief that you can make the best of your impending change.  Don’t believe me?  Comment down below and tell me your story.  Let’s be friends.